Son of a...

Well...didn't expect my last day to end up like this. I started the day off early, I was stressed out, hurrily cleaning before the RA came to check it out. Said goodbye to Reggie and than it was time for shawn and I to get to work. We get a cab to bring us my huge box with my guitar in it, shawns guitar, a huge bag of clothes, and my purse full of beer, and o yes a huge toolbox full of jackies sparkles. The cab had gone about 3 blocks to far so we get out with all our stuff. I take ja kids box back while shawn waits with all our stuff. I come back and we carry all our stuff to a fedex office to find out we couldn't use that office we had to walk like another 6 blocks to another. So away we go and after we get there we have to 'make' a box for shawns guitar because they don't have a big enough one. Shawn finishes it and than the lady decides to tell him he used the wrong tape and makes him start over. Than he finally finishes a second time when I realize I had put my coat in his bag of clothes cause I was warm and there it was taped up in his box. Needless to say im not getting that back tell shawn ships it from home lol. So anyways we hang with some friends eat and relax awhile than go to the hilton. I start looking online and book a shuttle only to later find out I basically got scammed for $30. So at this point we had no choice we have to take the bart before it closes for the night. So we get ready and head to the airport. Now here we sit tired hungry and waiting for what's next.

Coming home!!!! (only for the summer!)

This week is finals...BAHHHH!!! Stressed out to say the least. On top of that I need to pack up all my stuff, mail some and move some. Spend time with my friends before i leave. The list goes on....

But in all anticipation to see one little girl, I can barley stand myself. I catch myself tearing up every time i think of her, see a picture of her, and every time i hear her voice. I think about the sacrafice i made to be here often. And as much as it hurts my heart...I know it will all be worth it. I know I will come home a better mother because of all the missed time with her i cant wait to make it up all summer! I'm sure Jazz is going to be sick of me after a few days lol.

I love SAN FRANCISCO CALIFORNIA!!!!!!! And I can't describe to you how amazing this experience has been. But I can tell you it has changed me for life. I found myself here. I grew and learned alot. I feel less ignorant, less judgemental, less angry, i feel more happy, healthy, and beautiful all around. Some lessons were hard learned as I have mentioned school didn't turn out the way I hoped. I'm going to continue to go to school. I just picked a major that wasn't fit for me. Next year i'm sure will turn out much better. I found some life long amazing friends here. And I honestly believe I found love. I never thought I would say that again, and if I didn't move here i'm positive I wouldn't of.

Everything happens for a reason....every broken heart, every failed attempt, everything has a reason. I wouldn't be who I am today without all the hardships in my life. And i'm finally at a place in my life where i'm completely happy. And I can appreciate it now. If my faith ever dwindled ... it's here now.

I swear if it's one person at a time im going to change this world for the better. I want to help and encourage people that were in simular situations as me. Cause i know that feeling of hopelessness. I just lucked out i have amazing family and friends too put up with my shit and pick me up when i was at my lowest.

But now that my head is clear and i found peace in my heart, it's time to go home and make peace there. That is where i have done the most damage and it will be a true test to see if i really have changed and i am as strong as i think i am. I feel like you can't truely be happy in the present or future without making amends from the past. I will say change isn't and wasn't easy. And i'm still working on things. But man, i wish i wasn't so stubborn for so long, man i wasted so much time and energy being hurt, mad , and sad.

I miss home...i miss my family...and of course my daughter. This country girl is coming home. can't wait for barefoot, bon fires, fishing, family, fun! And O Yes, A COLD REFRESHING BUD LIGHT!!!!! lol. I hope the coming home party is as magical as the going away party was. Btw, mom don't forget to have a camera ready when i get off the plane. I don't want you to miss the moment i see jazz...o jeeze i'm already crying about it.

I love you all, and don't tune out this will be continued for a long time....i don't think this adventure will ever end! P.S. i've been praying all week that bringing Shawn home isn't going to scare him to much...he gets to meet pretty much my entire family and see the most redneck stuff we do all jammed into a week. poor guy haha...well if he loves me, he won't want to leave :) haha

This is not goodbye...it's see ya later!

Sorry about the long gaps in my blogging...been really busy this last few weeks. It is nearing the end of the semester, so i'm hanging out with friends as much as possible, sight seeing, and have more homework than before.

To say the least this has been one of the most wonderful and mind opening experiences of my life. I am not ready to leave and i can't wait to come back. I will always consider Minnesota my home...but no lie I am officially a Cali girl now! I wish my daughter and family would just move here.

It's coming down to the end now, I leave in like 3 weeks, May 21st. I know I will cry. This year has been my lucky year, like Darcy told me double deuces are lucky. Coming here has done so much for me. I have broadened my horizons, found where my heart is, i found my self, i found some life long amazing friends, i found love (when i was starting to think it didn't exist), i found a family here. The school portion this year was rather unsuccesful other than finding out that i do not want to continue in art school. That has been extremely hard and frustrating for me.....seems like a waste of time and money. But now I know for next year. Even though i'm still not sure what I want to do.

I once again need to thank my family for so much help and support. Exspecially my mom, she has always been the backbone of our family, i wouldn't be able to function without her! i'm so happy here. The only thing missing is my Jasmine.

Anyways....what a crazy few months! This weekend was fun filled with great friends, my first house party, a walk to the pier, a day in the park, some shopping, and the Weird Festival! The festival was great! Even the one i went to the week before was unreal. So Many People!!! lol (I will post pictures when I get home) And to be honest it might sound crazy but I party alot less now than i did at home....most of the time i have a couple drinks. Back home i didn't know what a couple drinks was....terrible I know. But being a happy person makes such a huge difference.

So about my friends, Dear Reggie...a.k.a Reginald/Wedge Salad... a great rooommate, friend, and all around juat a great person. You still need to teach me to rap (kind of upset about this). You always got my back and you always put up with my shit. Cant wait to room again with ya next year in our apartment.

Ms. Jackie Wray...a.k.a the stray....you have become my best girlfriend here. You met me when I was crying and i'll never forget you had the most endearing look and gave me a huge hug. Your someone i can mother over while Jazz is away and I know you will always be there for me. You are never ignorant or judgemental, that is what makes you so endearing...never loose that! Can't wait for you to come to MN!

Last but furthest from the least Shawn Machado-Modirpour ..... a.k.a Babe/prince charming. When i first saw you I though you were an asshole, not going to lie. You wouldn't even talk to me. But I will never forget the night we met and not giving you my number or nothing and still the next morning you went searching the hilton floor by floor to find me. i almost died when you knocked on my door and asked me to breakfast. i almost blew you off, but i'm so glad i didn't. you made me realize what dating should be like. Fun, exciting, spontanious, romantic, ect. you also are nerdy, a gamer, sweet, romatic, had a different upbringing, and background. But your exactly what I needed. Everyday I fall more and more in love with you and you just know when it's right. i'm so happy...I love you very much!

To everyone else thanks you made this a great year for me and i will see you next year!!!

O yah I forgot to mention...i did meet Shawn's dad and step mom last weekend! They were so great! We had a great weekend of eating to much and drinking wine. I also met some of his cousins and seen a fairly traditional Persian gathering. great people and great food! Reminded me of home some what with tons of food, drinking, a game on with the guys watching it, and women in the kitchen only difference is some of the conversation was in Farsi so I couldn't always follow :). His step mom and I became fast friends like we've known each other for years and Tony, his dad, loved me and is such a sweet man and really loves his son. I know I made a good impression on them and i'm excited to meet the rest of the family!

But for know i got to run! See ya later!