Sick or home sick???

Well I had a fun and eventfull few days. This weekend was lots of fun. Saturday I went out with Amber to a bar and had lots of fun, the end of the night was interesting. A couple of her friends had to much to drink and were sick and hard to keep control of. I finally waved a taxi down and Amber went to take care of her friends and I came straight back home (weird to call the Hilton home but for right now it is haha, not sure still how long were gonna be here). So yesterday I woke up really sick with a soar throat and cough....laying down did not help I would just cough harder. So instead I went on i guess a triple date haha sounds corny I know but I actually had fun. It was Shawn and I, Shawn's classmate Martin (from Norway) his girl Casey, and my friend Jackie and her boyfriend Mark. We all went to this great little Indian resturaunt, my first Indian food :) I LOVED IT, it was real fancy, Shawn ordered wine (I didn't drink any :P i'm not a fan of wine unless it's my grandpa's wine) the place was great! Afterwards Jackie and Mark had to leave but Shawn, Martin, Casey and I all went and had a couple drinks and then went home. Overall I felt better and it was a great date. But being stubborn like I am I stayed up late and listened to Shawn play guitar untell wee hours of the morning. I woke up this morning so sick I didn't want to move. This is crazy to me because I never get sick, ever! I had class, now i'm in my room feeling miserable. I haven't even ate today, the thought of having to go somewhere makes me miserable! But being stuck in my room is driving me crazy. I miss my daughter terribly....I miss holding her, seeing her, talking to her. It makes me really wonder if I can do this for at least four years....I feel like a selfish horrible parent. I'm even second guessing my major...is it pratical with such a shity economy, can i still have a family life if i become succesful with this career, every teacher I have seen in this school is very succesful but I have met one teacher with a family. None one else has a life other than there careers here. That is not what I want! I'm not going to school and missing basically 4 years of my daughters life so that i can miss another ten years to start a career for myself. By than she will be 18 and I wouldn't even know her. I miss my family too, I have always lived near to them and being away is hard. None of my friends here have a bond with there family the way I do mine, or most of there friends even. Everday I talk to at least one person in my family and my two closest girlfriends I talk to probably every other day. Family is my life, this has me so confused. I know i'm sick and overtired and am just homesick. And I need to probably get out of my room so that's what i'm going to do wether i'm sick or not. I keep overthinking all this when i'm here. So off to i don't know where yet but it has to be better than here right now.

Thanks to Becky

This week has been rainy and cold :( So most days ive stayed in after class and done nothing. And today is the worst. Today is the end of the Chinese New Year and the're having a parade to celebrate, and not just any parade. But one of the worlds biggest and longest parades. And it ends here at the Hilton. So now you can imagine the hotel is crazy busy and full of people (Chinese culture center is also in this hotel) there is security everywhere cause the princess of China is also staying here. So it's been just nuts around here. All the streets are blocked off around us walking around with an umbrella is very dangerous with a million people carrying around umbrellas running into eachother with them haha. But thank you to Becky for the umbrella so i didn't get soaked. ahh I hate rain!

Be my Valentine

So I know some of you guys have concerns and worry bout me when it comes to boys :) And advice is always great I am only 22 so I know many of you are wiser than me.

Out of past experience I have learned about the "bad" guys. I think I dated everyone that lived in Roseau county. I know the signs of cheating, controlling, abusive, and assholes in general. I have been single for a while now and a huge man hater. Seriously ask mom, she was a little concerned even how mean I was to men and that I would never let myself love again. And I took it to heart that she was concerned. I am fine being alone or on my own, I actually really enjoyed it. Coming here though was for change...mainly school but also for personal growth. I had become a angry hateful person when I was living at home and I started hating the way I had become. So I made a promise to myself that when I moved here that it was going to be all about me. I know this sounds selfish but sometimes you need to be selfish! I wanted to find the sweet nice side of me again, who loves taking care of people, I wanted to be able to be judged for who I am and not who I was or for being a Norstebon (not that i'm not proud, but I hate that everyone has there idea of me because I grew up there). I get to choose my friends here and choose everything really :) I did not expect to meet some one I liked and wasn't looking for it even. Of course I take notice to a cute guy and stuff, but even my first few weeks here I was blowing guys off. And a couple weekends ago I went out with Amber and decided earlier that day when discussing boys that this is the time to change and take chances. So this is the chance i'm taking, and I think he's a great chance!

It was on a Friday I think that I met Shawn and I had seen him around so I knew he went to my school. I said hey and he came over and started talking to me. We hit it off right off the bat. He has been nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He's sweet, very smart, ambitious, and kind of a dork, and I like him alot. We learn more about eachother everyday. And he helps me stay focused with school because thats why were both here. We do have alot in common when it comes to being on our own and being in the real world. But were very different when it comes to the way we grew up. He is from Orange County, is a very talented man, he plays guitar like I have never seen, makes his own beats (music) on his computer, is here for game design (he is excellent at as well), great drawer, is a computer geek, he speaks to me in other languages sometimes :), and I could go on. It's nice to meet someone so smart and going somewhere with his life. And he is nice to look at :) haha. I have met a few of his friends and they also are very nice.

So yesterday was Valentine's day. He came to my dorm after class and suprised me with a rose and a lil present (candle ect...), we spent the day together had lunch, walked in the rain, had a great supper, and watched movies. Than we we found a great lil place with a great view were we hung out and talked. About what we wanted and everything we could think of. We are now officially dating and are taking things slow and having fun.

I'm extremely happy here, I love the city, my friends, the school, and a great guy to spend my time with. And don't worry I know when to run from a guy...i've done it many times.

But right now i'm exactly where I want to be. And I for the first time don't feel held back or like running. I can be me, and make my life what I always wanted it to be. I found my Valentine....and I think i'm going to keep him for awhile =)

Oh and I know all my nosey family has mentioned meeting him...we will see what this semester brings. But if all goes well and you all promise to be on your best behavior i might see if he will fly home with me to visit for awhile. ;) haha I love my family!

Fairy tales and happy endings....

This week has been amazing. The weather has been phenominal, my friends are hilarious, and classes i really enjoy. This week has been busy but relaxing. Going to classes, hanging out with my friends....and maybe spending time with a boy haha. My friend Jessica decided to withdraw from school and leaves tomorrow :(...So this weekend we had one last hooowraahh for her.

It was fun we had a great night of dancing and running around the city. On my down time I have been hanging out with Shawn doing homework, eating the amazing food here. The other night Jessica and I had lunch at this fancy Italian place we can use our night cash at, and it was amazing! I had ravioli and choclate moose cake. YUMM! This is just so unreal to me everyday. My roommate Amber last night i twisted my ankle so she piggy backed me up hill haha she's crazy but awesome!

And my other friends are great im always on the verge of tears from laughter hanging around them all the time. And Shawn is always putting a smile on my face, the other night we were walking back from supper, holding hands, and i couldn't help but think this is a fairy tail or a dream. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! All I can say is that dreams do come true. And everything happens for a reason! I haven't ever been so happy, the only thing missing is Jasmine :(....eventually ill have it all as long as i keep striving to do better and work my ass off for it. And speaking of Jasmine, I got to skype with her yesterday! Sara had her overnight at her house and I talked to her on the phone and as soon as I hung up my roommate says, "Kim you can skype with my Itouch." OMG, THANK YOU AMBER! BEST ROOMMATE EVER! So i skyped and got to see Jasmine for the first time since I left. It was so nice to see her expressions and her gorgeous face. I miss her terribly! Overall, Amber is a life saver!! My friends are amazing! And I met a sweet guy I love spending time with! This is going to be a happy ending, I KNOW IT!!!

STUPID BUS!

The buses here piss me off, there has been a ton of complaints about them and still nothing has been solved. I run late for classes sometimes because the buses are late and today they are going to make me miss half my class, i just dont understand! As a student paying a very high tuition to learn, I would appreciate being able to make it to my classes! And most teachers have been understanding but seriously it makes it harder when u miss things in class!!!! So today im going to call and complain for my third time this week, sad i know. ugh i need some lunch!

My only fear in life....

So as every one can tell life is great and I love it here, but I dont want anyone to be mistaken. It is still extremely difficult. My classes even though i feel im learning and I enjoy my teachers, I feel im behind in my skills than the majority of students. I also am a fashion design major, everyone in my class are like young right out of school girls/guys that dress to the t everyday..look amazing head to toe. Kids, that when they talk I feel dumber for listening ( LIKE OH MY GOD, REALLY), ya not my cup of tea. So I stand out like a soar thumb, I care more about my work and not apperance, my apperance wont get me a degree or a job, my skills will. Also most of my favorite designers always look like a hot mess and dont care about there own apperance, Betsey Johnson for example. So This makes for a long day and makes me for some reason second guess my major, cause i usually dont care about these things but will i ever be as up to date with fashion exspecially where i live. I dont fit in, I guess that doesnt matter but its weird for me cause i have never been the odd one out.

Now for the hardest part, I left my daughter Jasmine 4 years old, to be here and to chase my dreams. Some dissagree with my choice to be here and think this makes me a bad parent. For every one this is why im here, I am here to make a life for my daughter and I, to give her more oppurtunity than I had growing up. Don't get me wrong my parents supported anything i wanted in life but it was very difficult sometimes. I am here so that when is all said and done I can show my daughter that dreams do come true and hopefully inspire her to dream big. I also want to afford to do things for her and move her away from where i grew up. This is so beyond words to describe how hard it is to leave your child to pursue something. It kills me to hear her on the phone "mommy I miss you (crying)". She's to young to understand why im not there but in the long run I pray all this pays off and that she knows why I did all this. I am here for her, to provide better for her, so that she has a happy mother, so that hopefully i can inspire her to be somebody amazing and that anything is possible if you want it bad enough. Because to be a dissapointment to my daughter is my only fear in life...im not scared to be alone...im not scared to move....im not scared to die....im scared of not being the best parent I can be. I know after Josh and I split up that i went through a party phase and i could use every excuse in the book ( I had to grow up fast, I wanted to act my age, blah blah blah) and thats all they are is excuses. I was miserable torn apart heartbroken and very confused about life in general, and the person who suffered for this was Jasmine, and its not fair and I cant take it back or fix it. But what I can do is try to change it and improve it. So here i am...and still second guessing myself. As a parent I dont think your ever sure your doing the right thing but as long as your trying your hardest and doing your best than i pray my daughter knows im doin everything i can for her. So here i sit scared and unsure, so im going to do what my mom always tells me, im going to say a prayer and keep my self focused on whats important. Jasmine, I hope one day you can read this and know that your everything to me, my whole world. No man, no friend, no one will ever mean as much to me as you do. You have been the most spectacular miracle I watch everyday. You have been an inspiration to me since you were born and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You keep me motivated when im ready to give up, I love you and mommy will be home soon sweatheart!

This has to be a dream...

I have been having an amazing weekend...Friday night Amber and I went out dancing, on our way to a new club we stopped back at the hilton so Amber could change her shoes. I waited against the cab smoking and this very cute guy I see every morning before class is outside smoking also. He introduces himself and we talk a bit, so invite him to come with us. His name is Shawn very cute :)! So we go out dancing and hang out having fun....at the end of the night i go back to my room and realize i didnt give him my number or what room i lived in or anything....i felt bad cause he was so nice a gentleman...and i didnt want him to think i blew him off. So the next morning I wake up and go have an amazing breakfast

with Amber and than soon returned to the Hilton to find a Chinese Dragon dance going on...it was amazing to watch!

After we go upstairs to get ready to go out to Haight and Ashbury for our friend Jackie's 18th birthday.

Were all waiting to leave and there is a knock on my door, Amber gets up to answer it and its Shawn. I go to the door and he asks to take me to lunch :) He remembered i was on either the 14,15,or 16th floor so he walked around them untell he found my name on a door, how cute! of course i just ate and had plans so instead I invite him to come with us. So a huge group of us go to Haight and Ashbury to do some shopping and for Jackie to get her tattoo. The shops were awesome cheap hand made awesome clothes and ect...and the tattoo shop was unreal! I was thinking since I got here that I wanted another tattoo to symbolize this transition in my life. And it comes to me exactly what I want and where I want it! On my forearm im going to get "With grace in my heart and flowers in my hair" thank you to Sara for telling me to listen to the song and Mumford and Sons for writing it...its called after the storm. So Amber and I have appointments for the 26th at Mom's tattoo to go get them done by Barnaby :) It was above 70 degrees and I was exhausted so I went back to the Hilton to relax before we go out for the night, Shawn was a sweetheart all day and I was a little smitten about it. As I was getting ready for the evening Shawn texts me and asks me out to dinner, he took me to this really great Kantanese place not far from here. Dinner was great, he was really funny and sweet. It was so great to go on a real date...

so afterwards we get back to my room where everyone was hanging out before we were going to the club to dance. We all get ready and go to the place Amber, Shawn, and I were the night before. Dissapointed looking at the huge line and expensive cover charge we decide to just go back to our room instead and have fun there. we were playing quarters and having a couple beers, everyone was having a great time and than Shawn pulls out his guitar, yes he plays guitar, and he is by far the best guitarist I have ever seen! omg just melts you, he has a completely different style its so hard to even explain. But I just watched in awww, he keeps telling me he is going to teach me :) good cause i could use the lessons for free, haha. He also is a computer nerd (Becky lol) he told me if i need anything fixed or need help I can just call him. So now im up and just thinking about today with the superbowl and the fun im going to have today, Im just pumped! I met a very cute boy, btw he is 24, and have amazing friends in an amazing city, some one pinch me cause this feels like a dream.

I LOVE COLLEGE

College is suppose to be an adventure, and it definately has been for me every day. My classes have been great, I have awesome teachers! For my illustration class i get to draw nude models 3 days a week, history class will be a great class cause i want to learn it. Buisness is a great stepping stone and thats on mondays. And than there is my sewing class.....i cant wait to learn and make and fix my own stuff! My sketching is ok, I would say I am better than about 10 out 25 people. So im glad im not the worst. The library is great and now i have my labtop in my room. Ive been keeping my homework caught up and still having fun. Last night I took my first city bus with some friends to meet up with another friend, i brought antibacterial, and im not a germaphobe, but people on buses gross me out.

I have seen many cute boys, pretty sure they all live on the sixth floor of this building haha, it seems that way anyways. But definately have to be carefull this is San Francisco California. Every where you walk people are smoking weed right on the sidewalks. I know its medically legal here but its so weird. There are a lot of homeless people here begging and most of them i believe are mentally impaired so dont make contact with them cause if you do they will follow you and keep begging. Dont be to nice to strangers...I have met some people that go to school here but still im trying to be catious, cause everyones like come to my room lets hang out, haha maybe in a public place but not your room. Oh I met this awesome guy from Norway, i cant remember his name right now, but he said from being an American I still have a thick Norwegian accent....seriously I cant argue it anymore i have an accent....But I love it! lol, just so you know I will probably talk different when i get home these people talk funny out here. Ahhh Happy Chinese New year everyone! The festivities were awesome lots to see hear and watch. Im sick of the fireworks though, three days straight now they have been going off day and night a block up from my hotel, the main part of Chinatown is there.

So now i need to get ready for my sewing class. Wish me luck, ill probably need it for this class.

relaxing day off

Today was a beautiful relaxing day. I woke up at six, ugh couldn't sleep and relaxed in bed tell 10. Got ready for the day and put all my clothes in the closet and cleaned my room. Afterwards I packed up my laundry and went to my friends dorm, Jackie. She just got done with class and her and a guy Leo she met came and Hung out with us, he is from Russia and is very cute :) lol. After Jessica got there Leo left and us girls went to find a place to eat. After walking forever trying to find this place we talking away we realize were in the tenderloin area "the ghetto". There's homeless people everywhere, people dealing drugs, and were getting stared at by everyone. It's fairly safe during the day but non the less still scary. We hurrily walk back and go to a different cafeteria. Eat a great supper than its time for laundry. My friends and I are waiting for our laundry to get done and there is a door in the laundry room with a sign saying patio.

Well curiosity killed the cat, Jessica decided to open it and sets an alarm off ha ha. How embarrassing! So than we finished up laundry and I leave to catch a shuttle back to the Hilton. As I'm waiting some guy asks me what time the shuttle was coming, I notice he has a thick accent. We got to talking and I guess he is front Norway! We waited forever and decided to walk because the shuttle wasn't coming. We had a great conversation, I love meeting foreigners, there so interesting. I'm now in my room, just got laundry done and put away. All ready for my 2 classes tomorrow. Ready for bed! Long day tomorrow have homework after classes :)

Catching up

Sorry everyone, its been really crazy around here. My night out was a lot of fun, I even met a cute boy ha ha, he is in school also for pre-med and is a really good baseball player. I gave him my number and has been begging for a date. My roommate told me I have to go on it, but I'm still hesitating ha ha. I guess we will see. Sunday was a fun day also. Amber, Aaron, and I checked out the Chinese new year festival, it was amazing! And I have some awesome friends. Aaron went to by himself the san Francisco sweatshirt I wanted. Than he comes over and tells me to go get the one to...I'm confused at this point. He explains the store owner wanted Aarons red aeropostle sweatshirt, and traded him it for 4 sweatshirts! So Aaron got us all a sweatshirt, what a sweetheart :) afterwards our other friends met us later for a nice dinner and hanging out in my dorm. Apparently the Hilton is the cool place to be lol! All nervous for class I got all prepared and went to bed. Early the next morning I got up got ready and went and waited for my bus. The shuttle was easy, our school makes it so simple to ride. While waiting up on sutter for my transfer bus I seen a kid skate boarding down the street, apparently he has a death wish. For those of you who aren't familiar with the city, I say this because san Francisco is built on 43 hills, and is comparable to Duluth except can be much worse.I give props to the women the walk in heels in this city. And just from walking in this city I'm sure I'm going to loose weight :) ha ha. So anyways, I got to my class fine, it was a small class about 20 people, a lot of people didn't show up not sure why you would skip your first class but whatever. I met a really nice girl from Manhattan named Tushiya, the teacher was nice. Not to much homework, and we got done with class early. Tushiya and I had lunch at chipolte, Yumm! Our knight cash they call it, part of our meal plan works at a ton of local resturaunts and grocery stores, its awesome. Than we met up with all the girls Jackie, Jessica, and Amber and did some serious window shopping. And no I didn't make it to haight and ashbury yesterday :( it got to cold for these girls so we came back to the Hilton lol. We all watched tv and Hung out for the evening and all went to bed early. Everyone except Jessica had a good first day though. Poor jessica had a teacher who made fun of her in class and was completely a huge a**hole to her. Poor girl, I felt bad, but we keep telling her today will be better. O ya and Amber and I went to our mandatory meeting for the Hilton students Sunday night, it went well. We realized our R.A's are really unorganized ha ha. But we found out that there setting up laundry for us at the hotel and it will be free :) awesome! And they might set us a room with a fridge microwave and ect...since all other dorms have it. The way it sounds we might be here all semester. Personally I don't mind at all ha ha! Now I'm gonna shower and go through my clothes, I'm gonna wash um at a friends dorm sence we don't have laundry service yet. And hopefully I'm going to pack all my clothing away so we have more space for our superbowl party were throwing on Sunday, I'm sad I'm going to kiss mom and dads party though :( For such a huge change in my life, I'm loving it so much...I haven't got home sick, I'm always doing something fun and I have met some really awesome friends! O by the way Karen I told them you said I love you to them for taking care of me, they all replied Aww, we love her cause she's your sister so she has to be equally as awesome as you....than they spent a minute admiring how close my family is cause there always calling me being supportive and amazing. And I told them how mom bought us all webcams so we can all Skype/ video chat. And how Becky and Ryan fixed my computer and sent it to me. Or how Sara and bill watch my daughter and call me as many times as I ask them to, to talk to jazz. So FYI everyone is in live with our family. I can't blame them, you guys are awesome. !